CALF MAGAZINE BOOK REVIEW: AYANDA SIDLAYI’S “I WOULDN’T HAVE MADE IT”

Ayanda Sidlayi is the author of “I wouldn't have made it”, a memoir journal turned into an autobiography in 2017, that narrates the healing journey that she underwent when she was faced by depression due to a change in dynamics at her family home.

She was once a happy bubbly child who had all the warm embrace and love from both her parents. She was supported in all her aspirations as a young girl and had a promising future to look forward to, but then things changed when her father was retrenched from work. He resorted to alcoholism as a coping mechanism.

That had catastrophic effects for the family. Her father, the once smitten and dotting dad suddenly became the cursing and emotional and verbally abusive person that made the family to always be rendered into tears when he had his outbursts and embarrassing episodes in public. He had turned his wreath on his eldest child, Ayanda.

That left Ayanda not understanding the unrolling events and, her being a target, she couldn't comprehend how the loving and supportive dad had suddenly become the opposite, in fact even being an enemy. All that confusion left the young Ayanda reeling in depression. Her once bubbly persona had become a shodow of its former self, she was now withdrawn and in a dark place and always felt misunderstood. This was confusing especially for a black family where mental health issues were dismissed and usually never taken as serious, all of which left Ayanda isolated and misunderstood. She then started keeping a journal and documenting her story and her emotions.

Over time, within the ongoing chaos around her, Ayanda was able to find brief breathing spaces to escape from all of that and was able to find the time and space to write motivation to herself. That's when she noticed that she had unlocked her healing by writing down every personal experience.

It's with the power of this book that became her healing that she started sharing her journey and motivation online that eventually she was approached to turn her enlightening journal into a book so that it could be of assistance to others who might also be facing challenges and problems behind closed doors and are feeling misunderstood. This then started a a whole movement of breaking the chains on mental health, on being held captive by one's own mental state. This also puts one as having the power to take a journey through self introspection and building positive words as affirmation to one's self daily.

This is a powerful book that needs to open up discussions amongst families and friends, amongst the community and society about the crisis of mental health and how we need to take it serious. This is a book that is beautifully written as one person's personal story and how it builds up to the awakening journey. This is a book that should help spark conversations on mental health, particularly as issues to be seen fit for normal discussion. This could assist someone who didn't understand themselves or assist people to be able to identify a person that needs attention.

"I wouldn't have made it" is not just an ordinary 'motivational' book but more of a movement to helping everyone to be mentally healthy. It's a must read, and a necessary book on gifting items.

Let's start the conversation and unlock the healing.